Fifth Down

It’s time for the return of the Five for Friday! I missed last week as we had a bunch of family come in, my daughter’s musical and of course my pesky job. But don’t worry I’m back and better than ever. This week kicks off super early so get your sleep in today and on Saturday so you don’t miss week 2 of our 10 game stretch of random teams playing in foreign countries while you are still in bed. Let’s dive in.

Wake me up before you Go Go: Eagles @ Jaguars in London at 7:30 AM Mountain Time

The Eagles head to London where the Jaguars actually have fans. This is bad news because the Eagles are missing quite a bit of their team. Their best offensive lineman retired. Another one of their lineman is injured. They just traded another one to the Ravens. Meanwhile they are likely going to be missing their #1 receiver, their best tight end and their starting running back. Ouch. And that’s assuming everyone else makes the Friday flight. Meanwhile the Jags are looking great and basically live in London. Trevor Lawrence and his long hair have been great. They can throw. They can run. And even more importantly, they can be play defense. I don’t see how the Eagle have any shot in this one especially in London where the Jags hang out half the year.

Jaguars 27 Eagles 13

Bear Down vs Swiss Cheese: Bears @ Packers 11 AM Mountain Time

The Bears have won back to back games with 2 different back up quarterbacks. Ben Johnson is an awesome coach, just ask him. He has actively been talking smack on the Packers since his lame opening press conference. Johnson seems like a heck of coach and play caller. But he sure is an unlikable little prick. Meanwhile, Matt Lafleur seems like a nice and good guy. But you know what they say, nice guys finish last. The Packers can’t block. They can’t run the ball. They aren’t great on defense. Despite all of that, I kind of like them to pull the upset. Maybe it is just wishful thinking but I just feel like the Packers are due for something good to happen and Ben Johnson definitely deserves to be humbled. I’m reluctantly picking the Bears just because the Packers are so banged up and their best running back hits women or whatever. But my gut says the Packers find a way. I almost always go with my gut, but I’m sticking with my brain and picking the stupid Bears and arrogant Ben Johnson that won’t shut up about winning this game. Also hard to pick against the Bears with the passing of legendary coach, Mike Ditka. The 85 Bears and that season is the first season of the NFL I truly remember watching.

Bears 31 Packers 27

Does Bo know there’s 4 quarters?: Broncos @ Chargers 2:05 PM Mountain Time

The Broncos head to Los Angeles to play a home game somewhere else because the Chargers don’t have that many fans and I can only imagine they have even less after their awful start this year. The Chargers are terrible in every way. To make matters worse, they will be without both their tackles and one of the receivers. Of course the receiver they are down is Quentin Johnston and he can’t catch anyway. Meanwhile, the Broncos have had their own struggles. Their biggest struggle is that Bo Nix seems to think he doesn’t need to start trying until the 4th quarter. That worked last year against the second easiest schedule of the year but not so much this year. Shockingly to no one, Sean Payton is going to take over play calling. It took him a whole half of football to throw Davis Webb under the bus at halftime of the Chiefs game. However, Denver fans were complaining about the play calling most of last year when Payton was calling plays. In fact, I think most of this season, the Broncos offense has looked a lot like last year. The difference is the defense hasn’t been quite as dominant and the offense has been a little less consistently awesome in the 4th quarter. But Payton will take credit for the offense looking better even though it will mostly be because of them playing a woeful Chargers team. But don’t worry Sean will tell you all about it during his halftime interview. Nobody likes the hear himself talk more than Sean. Anyhoo, the Chargers are terrible and even less equipped to win than ever with the injuries.

Broncos 30 Chargers 16

Looking Purdy Good: 49ers @ Seahawks 2:25 PM Mountain time

The 49ers are one of 3 undefeated teams. They have had a ton of injuries but they have managed them well so far. The defense has been solid and the offense has looked good. Brock Purdy has looked like the best quarterback in the league. He’s been awesome and hasn’t taken a sack yet. The problem is this will be the best team they face. Like most quarterbacks, Mike Macdonald has been a problem. So we will see whether Brock and the 49ers can overcome MacDonald and his defensive shenanigans. Meanwhile Sam Darnold has looked okay this season. He’s no Drew Lock. But I think they are a very good team and they seem to find ways to win these divisional match ups. This is probably the game I am least confident in picking but I’ll go with the home team in a close one.

Seahawks 24 49ers 20

Great teams not looking so great: Bills @ Rams 6:15 Mountain time on Monday

These were the Super Bowl favorites heading into the season and for some reason are still Super Bowl favorites. The Rams haven’t really looked good all year. Their best win is against the Giants who lost Dart on his first series of the game. Stafford has had turnover issues and Puka is beat up. They also have been without Myles Garrett and Aaron Donald for most of the season and they are yet to play together. Meanwhile, the Bills lost at home to the Patriots who had looked terrible until playing this Bills defense. The Bills also have turnover issues including Josh Allen who threw the game sealing interception last week along with a lot of other shenanigans that could have cost them. But of course none if it is Josh Allen’s fault. As soon as they lost their first game, the excuses starting coming out about how he needs help, etc. Anyway, this should be a fun game because the Bills can put up points and anyone who plays the Bills defense can put up points. But I’ll take the Rams because they need the win more than the Bills do.

Rams 30 Bills 28

Other Game Predictions:

Texans over Titans

Bengals over Dolphins

Raiders over Patriots

Saints over Vikings

Browns over Jets

Steelers over Colts

Giants over Commanders

Cardinals over Lions

Falcons over Ravens

Another week has come and gone which means we have completed 4 weeks of our inaugural fantasy football league. There were some fun match ups this week and of course more to come. Let’s dive in to what happened.

Rollin w Mahomes 108.76 Stranger Things 99.88

This was a battle of my brother vs my wife. Much like my wife’s favorite NFL team, this week did not go how she hoped. Her team is highly dependent upon Josh Allen being awesome and he was not awesome. A surprise performance from Carnell Tate kept her in it but sadly it wasn’t enough and she fell to 2-2. Justin’s team was lead by Jonathan Taylor and Zay Flowers scoring 22 points each. That was enough to overcome his tight end scoring zero points while Mark Andrews was hanging on the bench scoring 11. Justin moves to 3-1 as he heads towards a brother showdown with me.

Kemna’s Convoy 120.04 Mo Money 107.34

Kemna’s Convoy got a whole lot of nothing from Ladd McConkey and Barkley got hurt early on again. But he got great days from his other two backs, Chuba Hubbard and the surprising Ollie Gordon. It also helped that he had the Vikings kicker and defense. Mo Money finally benched Drake Maye and of course Maye went off for 32 points. To make matters worse, JSN had his quietest day of the year with 10 points. Travis Kelce pitched in a whopping 2.5 points. Some other players did alright but it wasn’t enough to stop the Convoy. Both teams are now 2-2.

The G.I. Joes 130.28 Touchdown Drew 126.16

The Joes remained the only undefeated team despite being 8th in points this year. No one on his team had an amazing day but it was a true team effort with everyone on his team scoring double digits. Meanwhile, Touchdown Drew is 3rd in scoring in the league but fell to 1-3 because everyone seems to have their best day against him as he has had the most points scored against him. Burrow and Puka led the way but it just wasn’t enough falling just 4 points short.

Pick Six 120.18 Reid Between the Lines 116.86

In another close game, Pick Six squeaked out a close win mostly due to the results of the Sunday night game because he has Tet McMillan who scored a whopping 40 points. Goff pitched in 24 and Gibbs had almost 16. The 3 of them delivered enough to get the W. Meanwhile, much like Touchdown Drew, Reid Between the Lines has done well this year but just hasn’t gotten the wins. Kenneth Walker led his team with 32 points but Rashee Rice got hurt and then hurt his team by getting zero points. If Rice had played more than one drive he probably would have won. But instead he falls to 1-3 and Pick Six is 3-1.

Goedert Done Just in Time 142.16 Tyler’s losing team

You don’t know this, but these two have been great friends for years. But there was nothing friendly about this game as Goedert Done got it done and Tyler’s losing team lost…again. Goedert Done was high score of the week led by CeeDee Lamb’s 34 points and Javonte Williams 28 points. Tyler’s Losing team actually had a pretty good game. But it might be time to get Courtland Sutton and his .9 points out of the lineup. They fall to 1-3 while Goedert Done moves to 2-2.

The Commish 123.34 Chase’s Cherry Mash 103.62

Chase’s Cherry Mash is my former college roommate. We used to have a board of our record playing madden football. He beat me like 15 times in a row but then I got hot and went on a little run. Sure that was back in 1998 but here we are 28 years later and I’m still winning. It was a good week to have B’Jan Robinson on your team. I also took a shot starting Emanuel Wilson which paid off with 25 points. Cherry Mash had 32 points from Kyren Williams but it just wasn’t enough as the remain the one winless team. Meanwhile I’m 3-1 and lead the league in points. I’m headed towards a match up with my brother next week.

Other Fantasy teams:

I had my worst week of the year going 2-3 overall. I won in this league and in Danielle’s work league. But I lost in both money leagues and our family league. It was rough and I’m hoping to get on track this week. I’m 3-1 in 3 of 5 leagues and 12-8 overall. The family league is rough due to injuries and a couple of draft busts so far. Hopefully I can get that team turned around and back to my winning ways this week.

4 weeks have passed and we are getting a clearer picture of who is good and who is not. Teams are starting to group together more easily so there will be less categories this week. Let’s dive in.

0’fer Four: Bucs, Chargers, Dolphins, Titans and Texans

It’s been 4 weeks, if you haven’t won a game yet in a league full of parody, you got issues. Most surprising of the bunch is the Texans. CJ Stroud has actually been pretty good. The all-star defense somehow can’t stop anyone. Also the Chargers…hahahahahahahahaha!

Bad and not fun: Jets and Commanders

The Commanders keep losing quarterbacks. The Jets keep losing in general. Neither are fun.

Bad but fun: Cardinals and Saints

The Cardinals can’t stop anyone and the Saints can’t run the ball. Both have to score 30 to win and even then it is iffy. But they are pretty fun.

A complete mess: Eagles

They look awful. They are losing players left and right. They are blowing leads. I’m not sure what they do well. Their best offensively lineman decided to retire today. I don’t trust Sirianni. They’ve had rough stretches before but this feels like a team that is spiraling down.

.500 doesn’t feel to good: Steelers, Packers, Lions, Bengals, Broncos and Rams

At 2-2 these teams are all in the hunt but they are not feeling great about stuff. The Steelers can’t play well on both sides of the ball in the same game. The Packers can’t run or block anyone. The Lions can’t stop anyone and I mean anyone. The Bengals have been up and down offensively and their best two receivers are hurt. My Super Bowl pick Broncos haven’t played 4 good quarters in a game since like 2015. The Rams have only looked good in 1 game and that was a game when the other team’s QB got hurt on the first series of the game. All these teams have a shot at the playoffs but need something positive to happen soon.

.500 and feeling good: Colts, Panthers, Falcons, Patriots, and Cowboys.

None of these teams are great. But they have some things to feel good about. The Cowboys can almost always outscore their opponent and they have to so that’s good for them. The other 3 teams have bounced back after rough starts to the season.

Wait…who has a winning record?: Browns, Raiders and Giants

I’m as shocked as you are. I don’t think the good times will last for any of these teams but let’s let them have their moment this week.

Offense? Who needs offense?: Vikings

They can’t score but they blitz on every play on defense and that somehow seems to work so I guess they will keep rolling with it for now.

Quarterbacks? Who needs those? : Bears and Ravens

The Bears have won 3 games with 3 different quarterbacks. Everyone is doing their part. They look like they will be in it for the long haul. Meanwhile the Ravens have looked mostly good but are about to find out if they can keep it rolling without their starting quarterback.

Live and die by Josh Allen: Bills

The Bills defense isn’t great but they can run the ball and Josh Allen is often awesome. Other times he is throwing balls into double coverage with the game on the line or throwing the ball randomly to no one with his back to him to avoid a safety because somehow the refs miss an obvious intentional grounding call. I think it’s going to be an up and down season all year.

Can make a case for them to be at the top: Seahawks and Jaguars

Seattle is the returning champs and besides one week have looked the part. The Jags are probably 1 quarter away from being at the top.

We are back! We are so back!: Chiefs

The Chiefs are awesome again. And all the signs are there. After going 1-9 last year in 1 score games, they are 2-0 so far this year. Walker is on pace to run for 2300 yards. Mahomes looks great. The D is playing pretty well and will get better. Even Special teams were good for a change on Sunday. And the biggest takeaway from all the sports pundits was that the Raiders are for real because they barely lost to us. We are so back!

Enjoy it while you can: 49ers

They’ve been great and the best team in the league so far. But it seems like a guy or two gets hurt every game. Brock Purdy has been awesome and maybe he can overcome the injuries but I just don’t trust this team to stay healthy enough to make a real run.

Another week is in the books in our inaugural year of our fantasy football league. There is just 1 undefeated team left and only 1 defeated team left. Let’s dive into this past week’s games.

Kemna’s Convoy 127.86 over Goedert Done Just in Time 104.68

Kemna’s Convoy got their first win of the year but it came at a price as he lost Devon Achane for the year. He got helped out by the Vikings special teams as his kicker got 16 points and the Defense got 35 points! Goedert Done Just in Time has injuries building up. Going into this week they have one person lost for the season, two players that aren’t playing this week and another that is questionable for this week. But has he made a waiver wire move? Nah. He’s going Hoosiers style. My team is on the floor.

Pick Six 133.10 over Rollin W Mahomes 88.28

Pick Six hands Rollin W Mahomes their first loss of the season. If you have Gibbs, you probably won this week. But he also has Jared Goff who has thrown for 8 TDs and no interceptions. The Broncos D pitched in with almost 20 points. Meanwhile, no one did great for Rollin W Mahomes and starting Treyvon Henderson over McClaurin was a 13 point swing in the wrong direction. But he doesn’t need to lose any sleep over it because no combination of his team would have won this week.

Mo Money 109.34 over Chase’s Cherry Mash 107.72

This was the second closest match of the week and unfortunately it left Chase’s Cherry Mash as the only remaining defeated team. Not even a Brock Bowers return could save his team. This may be because he keeps rolling Justin Herbert out there. And David Montgomery hasn’t done anything since week 1. They could be heading towards 0-4 since they play the highest scoring team in the league (spoiler alert…that’s me). Meanwhile, Mo Money won in spite of Drake Maye continuing to be awful. That’s the beauty of having JSN on your team. Also, as a shout to my friend Jeff who manages the team, he also correctly predicted that the Browns would beat the Panthers so he gets extra credit for that.

Touchdown Drew 148.30 over Reid Between the Lines 147.12

Our closest match of the week was a shootout. Reid Between the Lines would have beaten anyone else in the league this week not named me. Almost everyone on his team scored in double digits and it just wasn’t enough. He does lead the league with the most waiver wire moves though so he has that going for him. Although Rollin W Mahomes is close on his tail. Touchdown Drew has scored a ton of points and finally scored more than his opponent to get his first win. Everyone but his tight end and his kicker scored 10 or more points including the Jaguars defense who scored 21. All of that with injured Puka on the bench.

The G.I. Joes 103.14 over Tyler’s Losing Team 97.72

The joes remain the only undefeated team just like they were undefeated against Cobra back in the day. James Cook and George Kittle helped lead his team to a close victory. He could have made life easier on himself if he had started Brock Purdy who scored 39 points! Meanwhile Tyler’s losing team got back on track in their losing ways to match their losing name. Omar Hampton and Courtland Sutton didn’t do much for him. And Kyle Pitts is still torturing fantasy team owners across the country.

The Commish 147.24 over Stranger Things 96.60

I played my wife in two leagues this week. It did not go well for her. She has Josh Allen in both leagues. He did not well. She also has Amon Ra St. Brown. He did not do well. Meanwhile, in this league I had Tyler Shough who scored me 31 point and B’jan who had 36 points. My trio of receivers of Parker Washington, Chris Watson and Chris Olave is also quite good and now Nico Collins is coming back. My team is the highest scoring in the league and now 2-1. Meanwhile, the wife’s team will be just fine. They just picked a bad week to have a bad week.

Other Fantasy Leagues:

I went 4-1 overall with my 5 teams. I did take my one loss in one of my money leagues which ruined my first chance at an undefeated week. But it did give me hope that 5-0 is possible. I did beat my wife in the family league to get my first win in that league. So my records across all 5 leagues is 10-5. Not too shabby.

Tune in next week to see how week 4 goes.

3 weeks down and 15 to go. The NFL proved once again why this league is the best league in all of sports…parody. Sure your team might not win a Super Bowl but right now the Raiders and Browns are both tied for first place. 12 of the 14 games were decided by one score. Literally anyone can beat anyone on Any Given Sunday. Well, most anyone anyway. Let’s dive into the rankings.

Might not win a game: Dolphins and Titans

The Dolphins are terrible on defense and just lost their best offensive player for the season. Ouch. The Titans couldn’t beat a Giants team led by Jamies Winston that didn’t score a touchdown.

hahahahahahahahaha: Chargers

Since 2013, teams with 5 plus turnovers and a -4 turnover margin are 3-81-1. All 3 wins have come against the Chargers including Sunday against the Bills.

Boy was I wrong: Packers and Patriots

I thought both these teams were going to be very competitive and make the playoffs. So far they look like dog poop. My son is an emotional football watcher and at some point in every game, he says that the Packers suck in frustration. And I say they don’t suck they will be alright. He said they sucked on Thursday night and I said, yeah, yeah they do. The Pats might look even worse.

NFC South: Bucs, Panthers, Saints, Falcons

The Bucs are definitely the worst of the bunch but as Todd Bowles said in his press conference after the loss, they are just a game out of first place. The other teams have all shown life but also had some embarrassing moments. The race to 9 wins is off to a slow start.

Houston, we have a problem: Texans

The Texans are 0-3 and things are not looking good. But they were 0-3 last year and it turned out alright so you never know.

Bad but keep you on your toes: Jets and Cardinals

These teams are going to lose a lot but they also seem to be in every game somehow.

What was that?: Colts, Giants, and Commanders

I don’t think any of these teams are that good and the Giants and Commanders keep losing players. But these teams all have sort of a track to some level of success this year. Ironically the Colts and Commanders play in the first of like 10 games overseas that will start at 7:30 AM mountain time on Sundays this week.

How did you lose?: Cowboys

Just a colossal of a mess of an ending of a game. It was a fun watch but yikes, get your crap together.

Wait? Are you good?: Raiders and Vikings

This functional football team, named the Raiders went on the road and won. I should maybe have them ranked higher but I still am having a hard time believing this team is real. The Vikings also won on the road and found a way to win. Both 3-0 but I’m not a believer…

AFC North: Steelers, Browns, Bengals and Ravens

All these teams are 2-1. Yes, even the Browns. I’m not sure what any of these teams are yet. But they are all good on some days and bad on others so far.

Looking shaky but I still believe in you: Eagles, Rams, Broncos

The Eagles just lost to Case Keenum. The Rams are 1-2 after a complete second half let down. And I know it is odd for the Broncos to be in this section but they are back to their old shenanigans of playing like crap most of the game and then somehow coming back in winning. I just don’t know if that is sustainable with this schedule. But these are 3 teams I was in on in a big way before the season started and I am sticking with them…for now.

Offensive NFC North Fun: Lions and Bears

The Lions suck on D but they sure can score some points. The Bears just put up 27 with Case Keenum at QB who hadn’t played since we were on lockdown from Covid. Both these teams have some defensive issues but they make up for it with scoring and arrogance.

Real good at home: Jaguars

The Jags have outscored their opponents 69 to 16 at home this year. They lost a game at Denver that they should have won. I think this team is legit.

A bump in the road or real issues?: Seahawks

The Seahawks are the former champs and just got their QB back. And they lost to the Commanders with a back up quarterback. It doesn’t make sense but I think this was just a one off game. I am concerned about their ability to run the ball. Leaving the ball in Darnold’s hands is not ideal. I think they will be fine but something to keep our eyes on.

Should have lost but they were playing the Chargers: Bills

The Bills are really good. But they turned the ball over 5 times. They wouldn’t have won that game against anyone but the Chargers.

Work to do but ahead of schedule: Chiefs

The offense looks pretty dang good. They can run and Pat has been awesome throwing it the last two games. There are still a few things to work out but they are in good shape. Defensively they have been up and down and I’m concerned about their ability to get pressure on the quarterback which they did well in week 1 but haven’t done since. And Spags dedication to Sneed may come back to bite them too. Even the announcers were pointing out how everyone was targeting Sneed all year and he wasn’t doing well. But all in all, being 3-0 and looking as good as they do after 3 weeks is good sign.

Enjoy it while you are sort of healthy: 49ers

They look great. They have had a ton of injuries. There will be more I am sure. But they do look good. They have also played the Jet lagged Rams, Dolphins and Cardinals. We will see how things go from here but they are the best team through 3 weeks.

I didn’t have time to get this done by Friday so you get an extra game. Last week I went 3-2 in featured games but 10-5 overall. I’m finding my groove. That puts me at 5-5 in featured games and 17-11 overall. Let’s dive into this weekend’s games.

The “It’s not my fault” game: Chargers @ Bills 11 AM Mountain time

This game features two teams on very different trajectories so far. But it features two quarterbacks that are never to blame. No matter the outcome these two guys are just doing the best they can to lead their pitiful little teams to victory all by themselves. Never mind that both teams are praised all offseason for how talented they are. But the first sign that there are issues, the cries from the media, “can we please get this guy some help!” Anyway, this is a must win game for the Chargers who can’t afford to drop to 0-3 with the slate of games they have coming up. The Bills are always September champs. And they are off to their normal hot start. If this game isn’t at least close, the Chargers might as well hang it up for the season. I think the Bills win though.

Bills 31 Chargers 20

This Maye not be their year: Patriots @ Jaguars 11 AM Mountain time

The Patriots are yet to look great and I don’t know that they will look much better this week. The Jags have played 6 really good quarters but the second half last week was a bust. Drake Maye was Mr. Consistent last year. He’s been consistent this year too…just consistently bad. Lawrence has never been consistent and that has continued this year. These teams are pretty evenly matched. Both are good, neither are great. Their defenses will keep both sides in the game. Can Drake Maye find some rhythm and get going? Or will the Jaguars feast on his mistakes? I’ll take the Jags in a close one at home.

Jaguars 23 Patriots 20

No D in Dallas:Ravens @ Cowboys 2:25 PM Mountain

The Ravens laid an egg last week against the Saints. The offense didn’t look the same without Zay Flowers who may miss again this week. If Flowers can’t go, they should lean on the run game, something they refused to do last year for whatever reason. Derrick Henry has been a beast when they give him the ball. But just like last year’s Ravens they refuse to do so at times. Meanwhile, this year’s Cowboys look just like last years. Lots of offense and very little defense. That is good news for the Ravens offense with or without Zay Flowers. Can the Cowboys D turn things around? Will the Ravens run the ball? I don’t have high hopes for either. I guess this game is in Brazil or something so we will see how that factors in. I’ll take the team I believe in more. Ravens fly home with the win.

Ravens 34 Cowboys 30

Wait? Who’s good?: Raiders @ Saints 2:25 Mountain time

The Raiders are shockingly good somehow and are 2-0. The Saints lost once in overtime and won their other game closely but could easily be 2-0 as well. I don’t think many people thought these two game would be playing such a meaningful game here in week 3. The Saints offense looks quite good and their defense has done enough to slow down a couple of good offenses in the Ravens and Lions. But they are going to be missing their best offensive lineman which creates some mismatches against Max Crosby. The Raiders are 2-0 but their wins are against the Dolphins and Chargers who both look like some of the worst teams in the league. But they have been able to run the ball and Kirk Cousins has been solid. I just can’t envision a world where the Raiders are 3-0 so I’ll take the Saints in this one.

Saints 27 Raiders 20

No Puka, no problem?: Rams @ Broncos 6:20 PM Mountain time

The Rams played without Puka last Monday without any issue. However, they were playing the Giants and the Giants lost their quarterback in the first series of the game. The Broncos will be a much tougher test. The Rams are not particularly deep at receiver so I can only assume Patrick Surtain will follow Davante Adams around. Sean McVay will have to work harder to get the offense going in other ways. Meanwhile, the Broncos are hoping that their success in the second half from last week continues into Monday night. They haven’t played 4 good quarters on offense in quite some time. Now would be a good time to start. The Defense still looks good but not as dominant as last year so the offense needs to pick it up a little bit. Without Puka and no Myles Garrett, these teams are pretty evenly matched so I’ll roll with the home team that should have a hyped crowd show up for a Sunday Night game.

Broncos 24 Rams 20

Who needs a quarterback?: Eagles @ Bears 6:15 PM Mountain time on Monday night

The week closes out with the Eagles heading to Chicago. Last year the Bears sent a message on Black Friday by running all over the Eagles. They will need to do that again because unless something changes, they are going to roll Case Keenum out there to play quarterback. The Eagles are banged up too missing Landon Dickerson from the o-line and Barkley and Devonte Smith are both listed as questionable. The Bears put up 59 points in week 1 and just 3 in week 2. What will they do in week 3? Meanwhile the Eagles have squeaked out 2 victories against bad teams. If the Bears weren’t starting Case Keenum, I’d be more tempted to pick them. But I’ll take the home team based upon Keenum likely being in the lineup.

Eagles 24 Bears 20

Other games:

Panthers over Browns

Lions over Jets

Texans over Colts

Chiefs over Dolphins

Giants over Titans

Bengals over Steelers

Seahawks over Commanders

49ers over Cardinals

Vikings over Bucs

Week 2 is in the books and here is what happened in our inaugural Fantasy football league this week.

Pick Six 146.12 over The Commish: 118.52

My week started bad when Nico Collins was declared out and it didn’t get better after that. This was mostly due to my two running backs scoring 12.7 points combined. The Pick Six combination of Jared Goff, Gibbs and Devonte Smith was too much for me to overcome. Both teams are now 1-1.

Tyler’s Losing team 101.16 over Reid Between the Lines 74.96

Tyler’s Losing team went against their own name to win this one. Christian McCaffrey led the way with 20 points but the whole team pitched in with a few points here and there. They didn’t have a great week but it was enough as Reid Between the Lines lost Dart on the first series of the game and Colston Loveland is apparently hiding in the witness protection program. He was supposed to be the 3rd best fantasy tight end in the league. Instead he is the 3rd best fantasy tight end on the Bears with just .80 points over the first two weeks. Both teams now sit at 1-1.

Mo Money$ 110.06 over Goedert Done Just in Time 89.12

In a bounce back performance Mo Money had no problems winning this one with JSN and his ridiculous 40 points. Starting 2 tight ends is uncommon but when Travis Kelce gets you 20 and Laporta gets you 14 it makes sense. Speaking of tight ends, Goedert Done was in trouble when Goedert became Got hurt. Jayden Daniels got hurt as well and besides CeeDee Lamb, everyone else underperformed. Both these teams also now sit at 1-1.

Strangers Things 122.22 over Chase’s Cherry Mash 104.88

Strangers Things had Josh Allen and Amon Ra St. Brown. Enough said. Meanwhile Chase’s Cherry Mash had Caleb Williams and decided to roll with Brock Bowers at tight end even though Bowers wasn’t playing. It was a bold strategy, Cotton. It did not work out for him. Stranger Things is now 2-0. While Chase’s Cherry Mash falls to 0-2.

Rollin w Mahomes 115.66 over Touchdown Drew 89.62

Touchdown Drew left Garrett Wilson on his bench who could’ve pitched in with 14 points. But he plays for the Jets so I don’t blame him. He also didn’t take Puka out of his lineup. However, I’m not sure what ram receiver other than Davante Adams would have gotten him any points anyway. Rollin W Mahomes got 37 points from Dak and 27 from Jonathan Taylor and that was enough to move him to 2-0. Touchdown Drew needs more touchdowns from his team and falls to 0-2.

The GI Joes 114.18 over Kemna’s Convoy 111

In our closest game of the week, The GI Joes held on to victory with solid performances from everyone not named Malik Nabers. Kemna’s Convoy was almost led to victory by Patrick Mahomes alone but it just wasn’t enough after Barkley got hurt earlier in the day. Also, his Cardinals fandom might be part of the problem as he keeps rolling Marvin Harrison out there even though they don’t throw to him and even the very few times they do they either over throw him or he drops it. GI Joes move to 2-0 and Kemna’s Convoy drops to 0-2. I said drops and Harrison Jr got excited.

Overall, I went 3-2 again this week and sit 2-0 in both my money leagues. I amazingly started Dart in both those games and won both and lost the two leagues in Yahoo that I didn’t have Dart. In my family league, I started Justin Herbert which was almost as bad as starting Dart this week. I’m 6-4 overall and in pretty good shape besides my 0-2 start in my family league. You don’t know real fantasy football pain unless you have searched the waiver wire for a decent running back in a 14 team league.

Tune in next week to see what happened in week 3 including two match ups against my wife in this one and our family league. She has Josh Allen in both leagues so I’m probably in trouble.

We are 2 weeks in and each week the NFL tells us a little something more. This week taught me that Patrick Mahomes feels pretty good about his knee, my wife is happier when the Broncos win, injuries are inevitable for the big 3 for the Giants and Sean McVay is funny. Let’s dive into this week’s rankings.

Lost to the Browns: Bucs

Not even weather could keep this disaster of a game from happening. If you lose to the Browns you are automatically last.

Dumpster Fire status already: Dolphins and Falcons

I cannot think of one positive thing to say about either of these teams after 2 weeks.

Yuck: Titans and Commanders

These teams are better than the dumpster fire teams but the Titans are just an awful watch and the Commanders aren’t far behind them especially after seeing Daniels arm bend in that disgusting way. I hope he heals up fast but my guess is this won’t be the last time we see this guy on the injury report in his career.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!: Chargers

They look sooooo bad! They have lost back to back home games to two teams that won 3 games each last year. Now their next 7 games are against the Bills, Seahawks, Broncos, Chiefs, Texans and Ravens with 5 of those 7 games happening on the road. I’m sure they will beat someone but 0-9 is on the table.

Rough start: Colts and Texans

The Texans D looked a little bit better this week but the offense looked way worse. Meanwhile it doesn’t matter what the Colts offense does because the Colts D might be historically bad.

1-1 but still suck: Jets, Steelers, Browns, and Cardinals

Sometimes your team is 1-1 and you feel good about it. This is not the case with these teams.

Raiders aren’t Raidering…yet: Raiders

They haven’t played the toughest competition but they also are actually winning games so props to them.

1-1 but we got problems: Lions, Patriots, Cowboys, Bears, Giants, and Packers

These teams have upside but also have some problems many of which are injury related. Besides the Cowboys the rest of the teams just need to get injured people back. The Cowboys still suck on defense.

I see you NFC South!: Panthers and Saints

The Panthers offense looks awesome. Now if they can stop a team that has an offensive pulse then I might start to believe. I’m looking for the Saints to improve on not having to win the game in the last seconds. But both teams are way more fun than most expected.

Defensive dominance: Vikings and Bengals

The Vikings D has been a menace and the Bengals D has been good for the first time in like a decade. Both offenses have struggled some but that is to be expected since the Vikings have been playing Carson Wentz and Burrow doesn’t usually start playing well until week 4 or 5. These teams could be dangerous.

1-1 but I’m still a believer: Ravens, Broncos, Jaguars, Rams

All of these teams have played one good game and one bad game. I think we will see a lot more good games than bad games the rest of the way.

Still working it out but got that championship caliber team feel: Eagles and Chiefs

The Eagles struggled at times against the Titans and Commanders but they just find ways to win. The Chiefs defense looked awesome one game and bad the other. Their passing game looked bad one game and awesome another. Kenneth Walker looked awesome in both. Their potential is there just got to put it all together.

Looked great but I’m sure they will run out of guys: 49ers

They have been awesome but people are already dropping like flies and I’m sure there will be more to follow.

September Super Bowl Champs: Bills

No one looks as good this time of year as Josh Allen and the Bills. Some years they maintain it and others they don’t. We will see which one this one is.

Still the Champs: Seahawks

Seattle looks great with Drew Lock as their quarterback. That’s how good this team is.

We are fully into week 2 after the Bills beat down of the Lions which brings us to our next Five for Friday. I went 2-3 with my five featured games and 7-6 overall. But everyone says week 1 is a liar and the most unpredictable week of the season so I’m sure I will do much better this week. Or at least like the Chargers, Broncos, Patriots and Rams, that is what I am hoping for. Let’s dive in.

Great O vs Great D: Vikings @ Bears 11 AM mountain time

The Vikings were all but done until Carson Wentz of all people led them back to victory. They were mostly helped with the blitzing Vikings. The Packers couldn’t run the ball and could not protect Jordan Love at all in the second half. Carson figured out if you throw it in the area of Justin Jefferson things go pretty well. Meanwhile, the Bears put up 59 points on the Panthers and ran and threw all over them. But their defense gave up 37 to the Panthers. So you have elite offense against elite defense. The Vikings should be able to score on the Bears but will they be able to score enough to keep up? Or will Brian Flores call so many blitzes that it actually slows down the Bears offense and lowers the arrogance of Ben Johnson ever so slightly? Unlike the Packers, the Bears can actually run the ball and sort of pass block. Unfortunately, we will have to deal with arrogant Ben Johnson for at least another week.

Bears 31 Vikings 27

The “Hey, What’s going on?” Game: Bengals @ Texans 11 AM mountain time

Last week the Bengals defense created 4 turnovers and scored a defensive touchdown. However, the offense looked average at best. Meanwhile the Texans amazing defense couldn’t stop Josh Allen and the Bills who put up 36 on the so called best defense. The Texans offense shockingly put up 31 which was a very good total especially for them. These teams seem backwards to me like we are living in some bizzaro world. Will things get back to normal this week? I think both of these teams can and will be good assuming they stay healthy. However, Joe Burrow is already having back issues. It’s been one week. Burrow will not be a threat to run like Allen was which should allow the Texans pass rush to get after him. The secondary is typically very good. So I don’t see this Texans giving up 30 plus again. However, I’m sure CJ Stroud will give the Bengals a couple more possessions. This is really a debate of which team’s elite side of the ball bounces back. I just can’t see this defense losing two in a row at home to start the season. They get enough pressure against an average at best offensive line to create problems and get the win.

Texans 27 Bengals 20

Super Bowl champs or September chumps?: Jags @ Broncos 2:05 PM mountain time

The Broncos came into the season with high hopes, just ask Sean Payton. Or don’t, he will tell you either way. I became a believer as well as the Broncos were my preseason pick to win the Super Bowl. Now I would be lying if I was disappointed in the result on Monday night. I’m not sure anyone expected the beatdown the Chiefs delivered to the Broncos on Monday night football. And while it was glorious to watch, I don’t foresee this being the Broncos reality this year. They have arguably the best roster in the AFC and have a hall of fame coach no matter how arrogant he is. But they do seem to have some issues. David Webb didn’t call a great game. Bo Nix looked mostly terrible and they can’t tackle anyone. And the schedule does not lighten up. They have the Jags this week and the Rams on Sunday night next week both at home. They are at the 49ers and Chargers after that and then wrap up the gauntlet with the Seahawks at home. If they can get through that at 3-3 then I think they will be just fine. Enter the Jags lead by Trevor Lawrence. They won big last week but they were playing the Browns. However, they beat the Broncos pretty easily last year as well. They are a very solid and complete team. They looked great on Sunday and it could be more of the same unless the Broncos turn it around. They say week 1 is a liar and Broncos fans across the country and especially in my family are hoping that it is true. If the Broncos lose this one it’s not the end of the season but it makes things much harder. I think they bounce back and win a close one with Bo Nix leading them to the winning score just like the old days of last year.

Broncos 27 Jags 24

Sunday Night Nemesis: Colts @ Chiefs 6:20 Mountain time

Monday night sure was fun! The Chiefs looked awesome especially on defense and in the run game. Kenneth Walker out gained the entire Broncos team which was quite enjoyable even if I had to enjoy it quietly for the sake of my marriage. I was especially surprised the defense played so well. Patrick looked okay but will get more comfortable and be better. I still don’t feel great about our tackles but if we can run the ball like that, it might not matter. The problem is we play the Colts. The Colts aren’t great but have been our nemesis in many playoff losses. And their defensive coordinator Lou Anarumo formerly of the Bengals has always given Patrick fits. However, what Lou has always done best is dare the Chiefs to run the ball. I think this year’s Chiefs team will gladly do that. The Colts have some good weapons and their running back Jonathan Taylor is one of the best in the league. I was very excited about the Chiefs pass rush and pass coverage. The run defense was fine but they weren’t really tested because for whatever reason the Broncos decided they should pass 80% of the time. I think this will be a much closer game as it is hard to match the intensity the Chiefs came out with in week 1. But I got faith they will still get the W.

Chiefs 27 Colts 17

Super Team vs Super concussion: Giants @ Rams 6:15 PM Mountain time

The Giants are 1-0 after beating the Cowboys at home on Sunday night. They have solid core of players although they all will eventually get hurt. Jaxson Dart played very well. Skattebo was solid and Nabers is incredibly talented. I thought Matt Nagy might make Dart terrible but luckily he and the offense looked good. The defense did enough to slow down a potent Cowboys offense. Meanwhile the Rams plan to show up a day before the game in Australia did not pay short term dividends as they got their butts kicked by the 49ers. On top of that, Myles Garrett heads to IR after playing one below average game for them. But that short trip to Australia was for the long game. So they should be fresh or whatever for Monday night football. Sean McVay is a heck of a coach so I assume he will turn things around quickly. And we should see a much more effective Rams offense assuming they aren’t jet lagged from the return flight. Much like the Broncos, the Rams really need this win to get back on track. I think the Rams offense will be back but the defense will still struggle. I can only assume a Giant or two will get injured and the Rams squeak this one out.

Rams 30 Giants 28

Other game predictions:

Panthers over Falcons

Eagles over Titans

Patriots over Steelers

Packers over Jets

Bucs over Browns

Ravens over Saints

Chargers over Raiders

Cowboys over Commanders

Seahawks over Cardinals

49ers over Dolphins

Fifth-Down kicked off our inaugural fantasy football league. The league is made up of myself, my brother, my wife and great group of people I have met over the years of my life. Here is how week 1 went.

Goedert Done Just in Time over Chase’s Cherry Mash 144.22 to 101.34

Goedert did get it done helping the cause with 21.7 points and having Justin Jefferson didn’t hurt, either. Meanwhile Chase’s Cherry Mash needed Jamar Chase to score more than 2 points not to mention Justin Herbert basically being a disaster. Note to self, don’t depend on Justin Herbert to do anything.

Strangers Things all over Pick Six 160.44 to 129.80

My wife has Brenton Strange on her team so she cleverly named her team after the famous tv show. She also cleverly drafted Josh Allen in round 2 which all the experts said not to do. Well 41 points later, he helped her team dominate. Pick Six actually had a good week, it just didn’t matter.

GI Joes over Mo Money 99.76 to 84.40

Both these teams would have lost to literally anyone else in the league besides one team. But because they faced each other, one of them had to win I guess. Drafting Drake Maye and AJ Brown seemed like a really good idea in the offseason. But then AJ went to IR and Drake Maye decided to pass the ball more to the opposing team than his own. The GI Joes were able to get the win with a good week from Jalen Hurts that helped them overcome the fact that only one skilled player scored double digits. There should be better days ahead for both of these teams.

Reid Between the Lines defeats Kemna’s Convoy 139.78 to 89.68

Shockingly the team that had Derrick Henry and Kenneth Walker won. Meanwhile, Kemna’s Convoy was the biggest under performers. The only people on their team that scored double digits was Chubba Hubbard, a receiver that got hurt and the Vikings defense. Hopefully the rest of his team can get their act together in week 2.

Rollin W Mahomes edges out Tyler’s Losing Team 103.10 to 102.54

In our closest game of the week, team Mahomes won even though they don’t have Mahomes on their team…making it an odd choice for a team name. Meanwhile, Tyler’s Losing Team stayed true to their name by snatching defeat from the jaws of victory in week 1. Nothing shows belief in your team like naming them Losing team. They needed Courtland Sutton to simply score 3 points. He scored 2.

The Commish over Touchdown Drew 190.46 to 127.54

Touchdown Drew had a pretty good week. However, the Commish, who happens to be me, dominated. Only my tight end didn’t score in double digits and he had a TD. Having Watson and Olave on your team helped this week. Also starting Tyler Shough over Bo Nix because I didn’t want to cheer for Nix against the Chiefs turned out to be my best move of the week.

I went 3-2 overall, winning in this league and my two money leagues. I had the worst score out of everyone in our family league and lost in a close one in my wife’s work league where I am the assistant to the manager. In simpler terms, my 3 teams with Christian Watson won and the two that I don’t have him in lost. Once we get a few weeks in I’ll start posting the standings but for now know that half the teams are in first place at 1-0 and half the teams are in last place at 0-1.

Football is all the way back and it could not have gone much better for me. Some great games, some pleasant surprises and the Chiefs surprisingly dominating. Let’s dive into our first post season start rankings.

Keeping Arch in college: Browns

The Browns seem to always find ways to get worse. This has old coach gets hired to make us even worse so we can fire him and then get a new coach and the first pick written all over it.

Lost to the Jets and Raiders: Titans and Dolphins

In two toilet bowl games, these two teams got flushed by crappy but less crappy teams.

NFC South: Panthers, Bucs, Saints and Falcons

This is the only division without a win. The race to 9 wins didn’t start off well.

Won but are still probably bad: Raiders, Cardinals, Jets

Congrats on winning a game. It will probably be one of the 3 or 4 wins they get this year.

I don’t care what you did in week 1, you are going to win 7 games and pretty much be irrelevant: Steelers, Colts, Commanders

All these teams are fine but not good. They’ll be competitive in some games but none of them are going to do anything significant.

Preseason Champs: Chargers and Cowboys

Both these teams got lots of hype all offseason. Unfortunately, that hype didn’t bring any success in week 1.

Worst 4th quarter of week 1: Packers

Woof.

Won…but can’t feel great about it: Lions

Gibbs looked awesome…the rest of it, not so much.

Spunky and interesting: Vikings, Giants, Bengals

All these teams have some things to be excited about that they can build upon. How they handle their issues will determine their future fate.

Rough start but I still believe in you…I think: Broncos, Rams, Texans and Patriots

There were high expectations for all these teams. Week 1 did not go well. But there are better days ahead, I think anyway.

Somethings haven’t changed: Eagles

The Eagles winning sort of ugly seems to be the one thing I can count on in the NFL.

It’s week 1, but dang!: Ravens, Bills, Jaguars, 49ers, Bears and Chiefs

All of these teams showed out and looked mostly awesome with a few flaws that didn’t matter this week. Whether it was Josh Allen basically throwing the ball away but a Texan dropping the interception or Patrick Mahomes not being able to throw a completion 10 yards down the field or the Jags simply beating up a terrible Browns team, we can’t overreact too much to these victories. But it was a heck of a start.

Still the Champs: Seahawks

Seahawks balled out and dominated with Drew Lock as their quarterback the whole time after one series. To be the champs you got to beat the champs.

It’s the first Five for Friday of the Season! You know what that means? It means we have our first Sunday of NFL Football. We made it guys. I for one have been in a much better mood the last few days. Grumpy Jeff is gone and Happy Jeff has arrived. Sad Jeff will show up if the Chiefs lose. Alright let’s dive into this week’s games.

Bake Show vs Joe “it’s time to win” Burrow: Bucs @ Bengals 11 AM

In theory this should be a shoot out so it will probably be a defensive battle. Baker plays with a chip on his shoulder but he just got paid so there is speculation that chip might be smaller. But either way he should be able to move the ball against a typically bad Bengals D. The Bengals did attempt to address their defensive woes in the offseason. We will see how that plays out for them. The Bucs also added to their defense but lost Mike Evans who we saw last night can still play. What will this offense look like without him? We are about to find out. The Bengals typically start slow which is something they can’t do in a stacked AFC. Joe Burrow is tired of losing and said it is time to win. Why it wasn’t time to win the last few years, I don’t know. Anyway, the Bengals seem determined not to suck as do the Bucs and everyone else in the league. This should be a fun one. I don’t really trust either head coach but I’m choosing to believe the Bengals hype so I’ll go with the home team in this one.

Bengals 31 Bucs 27

Superman vs Super D: Bills at Texans 11 AM

Josh Allen heads to Houston but Houston, we do not have a problem. Josh at the Texans has not gone well for ole Super man who seems to be not so super down in Texas. It seems like every quarterback, this Texans D has been his kryptonite. But Josh is so much better than everyone he should be able to overcome it right? On the other side, the Texans are hoping CJ Stroud doesn’t completely suck it up like he did in the playoffs. Their offensive line still leaves something to be desired but I think their offensive weapons are pretty good. Furthermore, I don’t have a ton of faith in the Bills defense. I think the Texans run the ball a lot and control the clock and let their defense wreck Josh Allen’s plans to win week 1.

Texans 20 Bills 13

AFC Worst Battle: Dolphins @ Raiders 2:25 PM

Why am I writing about the Dolphins and Raiders? Why not? Everyone is on the same level this week. So this may be the only time to write about either of them being in a meaningful game. Both teams are going to have some growing pains. Many people think the Dolphins are trying to quietly lose. On the other side, the Raiders are also trying to get back on the winning track. They drafted Mendoza with the first pick. But they are starting the year off with rolling Kirk Cousins out there. Unfortunately for the Raiders and many fantasy football owners, Brock Bowers is out. So the Raiders will be down a key weapon. On the other side, besides Achane, I’m not sure if the Dolphins have any weapons. I think the Raiders have the better overall team which may be the only time this year that I say that. The Raiders are 3 point favorites at home which is basically saying these teams are even. I don’t know why, but I got a gut feeling the Dolphins are going to surprise people a little bit. Give me the fins in an upset.

Dolphins 24 Raiders 17

Cowboys ride North: Dallas @ New Jersey Giants 6:20 PM

The Cowboys get a primetime game in week 1. Shocker. They head to New Jersey to play a New York team. We are all thankful it isn’t the Jets. The New York Giants have a new look with John Harbaugh as their new head coach. They should be a better and more functional team. They are somewhat healthy for now, but I’m sure at least one of if not all 3 of the Dart, Skattebo, Nabers trio will visit the blue tent at some point during the game. They have some young offensive talent but as a Chiefs fan, I am nervous about Matt Nagy calling plays. The defense should be alright but they face an explosive Dallas offense. Dallas like the Bengals tried to fix their defense in the offseason. This will be a good first test. The D doesn’t need to be awesome it just needs to be middle of the pack. I like Dart and some of the Giants players but I just don’t trust Nagy. I don’t think the Giants will be able to keep up and the Cowboys start off the season with a W.

Cowboys 30 Giants 20

The silent couch game (Part 1): Broncos @ Chiefs 6:15 PM

We are supposed to go to a senior parent meeting at my son’s school on Monday night. Who plans a parent meeting in the Denver area during their first game of the season? I sent an email asking that question but got no answer. I’m going to have to get the details from the meeting from somewhere else because there is no way Danielle and I are going to that. This is the least fun Chiefs game of the year. It’s really a lose, lose. Your team wins but your spouse is unhappy. How do you choose between those two? Easily, that’s how. Your spouse will be in a bad mood until Wednesday or Thursday but win stays on your team’s record until at least January. We will as always sit on opposite ends of the couch and quietly cheer for our teams. In good news the second one of these is in week 8 so at least we get them over quickly.

On to the game. It is the return of Patrick Mahomes who tore his ACL just 9 months ago. He’s been a man on a mission to get to this point. Nothing was going to stop him from playing in this game. The Broncos have a much better team and I believe will prove they are the best in the west throughout the season. If this was in Denver I’d definitely pick them. It doesn’t help anything that we will be missing our starting left tackle, Josh Simmons who always seems to be missing. Last year, he literally disappeared for a few weeks. We also don’t know what this Chiefs defense is going to look like especially in week 1. All signs point towards the Broncos. But my gut says at Arrowhead on Monday night with Pat making his return, they find a way to get the W. Butker misses an extra point earlier but hits a long field goal as time expires to win this one.

Chiefs 26-Broncos 24

Other game predictions:

Lions over Saints

Jets over Titans

Ravens over Colts

Panthers over Bears

Jags over Browns

Packers over Vikings

Eagles over Commanders

Chargers over Cardinals

Enjoy the first weekend of the NFL everyone!